Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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