We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
