How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
