Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize