I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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