oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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