well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
