i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
