Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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