Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
this hospital has no fireball
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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