Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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