just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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