I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize