I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
