Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
