you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
