I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
