hell yes lets make some ravioli
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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