how can u be prego again
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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