Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
