so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
