Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize