my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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