Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
