is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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