I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
