My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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