I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
