You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
