it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
