I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
