Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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