I think my fart just growled at me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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