then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
