Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
where are you?
Hypothermia
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize