she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
