every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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