I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We got so high we made milksteak
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
