i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
