Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
only if we run a train.
done.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
