Non-Jews are for practice
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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