More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
