Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize