dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
