A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
