I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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