Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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