I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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