This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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