I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
