Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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