I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
