why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
