I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
