We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
