I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
