it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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