I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
