Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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