so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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