ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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