We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
