hotel room ftw
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
