Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize