Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
