i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
