But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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