i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
