He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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