Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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