Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
