Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
