very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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